"It's like a game where nobody's allowed to win until everyone's had their turn to bore themselves to death. It's the United Nations of card games, minus the resolutions and with a surplus of overpriced dragons."

The Patience Game

United Nations commander game

So, in Commander, patience is not just a virtue; it's a mandatory sentence. Imagine this: someone finally pulls off a three-hour combo, and what do we get? A whopping three extra life and a couple of rats. Meanwhile, the rest of the table has entered a comatose state, dreaming of activities more thrilling than watching the slow-motion disaster that is a Commander game. I'll just nip out for a kebab while you finish your turn, I say, contemplating the absurdity of a game that stretches longer than my Netflix queue.

Deck Construction: A Horror Show

Now, let's delve into the horror show that is Commander deck construction. It's scarier than realizing you left your phone at home, and I say this as someone who once lost their phone at a funeral. Sure, I could rain destruction upon my foes, but noooo, apparently, that's a fast track to becoming the pariah of the playgroup. Who knew people in this format had feelings? News to me.

The Online Deck Copiers

And then there's the breed of commanders who prefer to snag decks from online lists rather than bothering with the inconvenience of building their own. It's like going to a Michelin-starred restaurant and ordering from a picture menu. The meal might be good, but where's the fun in not burning your own kitchen down?

The Economics of Commander

I've dabbled in Commander, borrowed jank decks from friends who play with decks more valuable than my entire tax return. Here I am, chugging along in my card game equivalent of a beat-up VW Bug while they're revving up their Lamborghinis. It's a battleground where experience and money rule, and let's not forget the MTG card nerd who thinks they're the Einstein of the game. Newsflash: knowing every card in the game doesn't make you a genius; it makes you a walking encyclopedia in desperate need of a social life.

Rebel at the Party

But my rebellious spirit can't resist spoiling the Commander party with cards I'm not "politically" meant to play yet. Forget board wipes; let's goad all creatures I don't control! It's like tossing a grenade into a room full of kittens and watching them figure out who's to blame.

Conclusion: The Chaotic Circus

In the chaotic circus of Commander, where alliances are formed and broken faster than my New Year's resolutions, I find solace in my single card of chaos. So, I've decided that Commander brings out the worst in me, and I'm better off sticking to formats where I can wrap up a game faster than I can cash in a punchline. Draft, anyone? It's like Commander, but without the excessive therapy bills.